Last night was the second night in 15 months that Sienna's dad and I went out without her. The first night actually shouldn't count...we dropped her off to her grandmother's house so we could go to the movies. What do we see? A documentary about babies!!! I get mommy guilt every time I leave her. Being a full-time, working mom, who still breastfeeds, I feel every minute I am not at work, I should be with her. Going to the gym wasn't something that I would even consider, until recently when I noticed my bum is not where it used to be. Now she goes with me, for one hour she plays in the daycare.
When a co-worker offered tickets to opening night at the US Open, I didn't hesitate to take them. Kevin and I have been going every year together since we met. For a split second, we considered bringing Sienna then laughed when simultaneously we imagined her screaming in the middle of a match point serve, all of us then being escorted out by security being blacklisted from ever returning. The decision to leave her with gram was easy.
Sienna didn't nap until we were dropping her to the sitter at 4:30. Her grandmother would pick her up on her way home from work. We checked in around 9pm and gram said she was awake, watching Wonder Pets. I feared a phone call from gramma saying she was inconsolable and wouldn't go to sleep, yet the phone never rang. We called on the way home at 11pm. Sienna was sound asleep.
When we arrived to pick her up at 12:30, she was still asleep. When I picked her up from the bed, she was asleep. When I laid her into her carseat and buckled her up, Sienna stayed asleep! When we got home, I took her out of the carseat, still asleep, I encouraged her to nurse. After five minutes, I laid her down in her bed. Sienna still slept.
She slept until 5am, nursed and went back to sleep until 7am. I called gram to ask what she gave my daughter... what her secret was. She denied drugging her, instead saying she ate a big dinner, played outside and watched TV. When she started getting fussy, gramma picked her up and laid her in her lap tickling her little arms, legs and face until she fell asleep. I was flabbergasted. Sienna barely lets me touch her face when I am trying to get her to sleep. How did she do it and will she take her every night?! Last night was the first night in 12 months that Sienna slept through.
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
No Means No
Unless you are telling your 15 month old daughter, who in response says "Peese?". Try and try you might but saying and meaning it are two different things. If you can get past the pleading, then there is the sobbing, crying and inevitably banging her head and feet on the ground. Sienna is a master at getting what she wants. She starts out sobbing slowly and quietly, putting her little hand over her mouth, then her eyes. She peaks beyond her spread fingers to see my reaction. If not what she wants, then its full tantrum. I try to distract her, sometimes this works, unless its something she really wants then its on to bigger and more powerful tactics - Like Elmo. Depending on what it is I am telling her No to, I sometimes cave. Picking your battles seems to be a major focus of attachment parenting which is the parenting model I am trying to follow. Sometimes you need to let kids be kids, if it wont kill her or leave too much of a mess for me to clean up - its a free-for-all. Like playing with the dogs water bowl. I mean, what damage is actually caused by this other then some wet clothes, a mopped floor and a thirsty pooch?
I have learned to stop saying No too as it usually means nothing to her. She says No to everything, even shakes her head when it is something that she obviously wants. Instead, I try to reason with her, explain to her why her dog Oliver doesn't like when she sticks her toys in his ears or use him as a step stool, and direct her to something she can do. 9 times out of 10, this works. Other times, she ignores me completely, seeing how far she can push her independence. I have learned that how you get there is more important than the destination when it comes to raising children. Continuing to tell a child no has the potential to limit their independence and create feelings of self doubt. Bribing a child can create all sorts of unhealthy behaviors and do nothing to teach the child why they can or cannot do something. Where at 15 months, it may seem too young to attempt reasoning with your child, they are much smarter then you or I are aware. Sometimes a mother's calm voice and gentle hands are all thats needed to redirect the behavior.
I have learned to stop saying No too as it usually means nothing to her. She says No to everything, even shakes her head when it is something that she obviously wants. Instead, I try to reason with her, explain to her why her dog Oliver doesn't like when she sticks her toys in his ears or use him as a step stool, and direct her to something she can do. 9 times out of 10, this works. Other times, she ignores me completely, seeing how far she can push her independence. I have learned that how you get there is more important than the destination when it comes to raising children. Continuing to tell a child no has the potential to limit their independence and create feelings of self doubt. Bribing a child can create all sorts of unhealthy behaviors and do nothing to teach the child why they can or cannot do something. Where at 15 months, it may seem too young to attempt reasoning with your child, they are much smarter then you or I are aware. Sometimes a mother's calm voice and gentle hands are all thats needed to redirect the behavior.
Monday, August 23, 2010
On Parenting
Life Lesson #1 Trust
By the time she is just 14 months old, I have already planned and made countless revisions of who my daughter would be and what it is that I want to teach her How to read a book and how to ride a bicycle. To be strong and independent, to know that her mom and dad, no matter how bad the inevitable mess ups are, that we are always here for her and will always love her. I look at her today and see how much she is taking in from her surroundings. Everyday she is growing and learning so much, becoming the person she is. I already cannot imagine my life without her, missing her when we are apart. I am reinvented as person, I am Sienna’s mommy and love every minute that it encompasses. Every laugh and every cry…every waking moment.
As my visions of her are ever-changing, so are her needs. It is so easy to beat yourself up as a new parent, hoping you are giving enough attention and love without smothering. How do you know that you are teaching her to love and to trust? It was during a trip to the beach one afternoon that she let me know she was getting what she needed.
I watch as she bravely marches towards the waters edge, her ten tiny toes planted in the sand waiting as the waves come barreling across the shoreline. The water comes closer, she giggles, turns around and runs the other way, her little legs barely keeping up. Occasionally she interrupts the game to look up for me for reassurance, her eyes meeting mine, she knows I am still there and she continues with her back towards me. Later, we walk along the beach and collect seashells. She holds onto her bucket as I pickup the shells, handing them over to her so she can put them into the bucket. As we continue across the uneven beach, she reaches up to me, without looking back, knowing that I am there to hold her hand when she is unsteady and unsure. I realize at that moment that I am already teaching her everything she needs to know. To trust herself, I let her go on her own until she feels unsure. I do not swoop her up but merely be present, responding to her queues. In turn, she learns to trust me, knowing that I will be there ready to hold her hand when she needs.
Life Lesson #1 Trust
By the time she is just 14 months old, I have already planned and made countless revisions of who my daughter would be and what it is that I want to teach her How to read a book and how to ride a bicycle. To be strong and independent, to know that her mom and dad, no matter how bad the inevitable mess ups are, that we are always here for her and will always love her. I look at her today and see how much she is taking in from her surroundings. Everyday she is growing and learning so much, becoming the person she is. I already cannot imagine my life without her, missing her when we are apart. I am reinvented as person, I am Sienna’s mommy and love every minute that it encompasses. Every laugh and every cry…every waking moment.
As my visions of her are ever-changing, so are her needs. It is so easy to beat yourself up as a new parent, hoping you are giving enough attention and love without smothering. How do you know that you are teaching her to love and to trust? It was during a trip to the beach one afternoon that she let me know she was getting what she needed.
I watch as she bravely marches towards the waters edge, her ten tiny toes planted in the sand waiting as the waves come barreling across the shoreline. The water comes closer, she giggles, turns around and runs the other way, her little legs barely keeping up. Occasionally she interrupts the game to look up for me for reassurance, her eyes meeting mine, she knows I am still there and she continues with her back towards me. Later, we walk along the beach and collect seashells. She holds onto her bucket as I pickup the shells, handing them over to her so she can put them into the bucket. As we continue across the uneven beach, she reaches up to me, without looking back, knowing that I am there to hold her hand when she is unsteady and unsure. I realize at that moment that I am already teaching her everything she needs to know. To trust herself, I let her go on her own until she feels unsure. I do not swoop her up but merely be present, responding to her queues. In turn, she learns to trust me, knowing that I will be there ready to hold her hand when she needs.
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
Save Money and the Planet - Buy Local Eat Seasonal
Walking into your typical supermarket can be a bit overwhelming, especially if you are trying to eat as locally and organically as possible. For packaged goods, you have to read everything and know the difference between organic and natural as there is a HUGE difference. When it comes to produce, you have to be on the lookout for the country of origin. If you are shopping organic to save the environment and cut back on carbon waste, then buying an organic tomato from Mexico, that has to be air freighted to the states is hypocritical to say the least, not to mention quite costly. On average, an organic tomato vs a conventionally grown local tomato can cost up to two times as much! So how do you buy organic and local without tapping into the kids college fund?
EAT SEASONAL
Sure, come April I am craving watermelon. When I was pregnant it was even worse. That was all I ever wanted to eat. I admit, I caved a few times - then was left to feel guilty and not satisfied with the imported, under ripe and tasteless version of my summertime favorite. More than half of what you pay for when you buy nonseasonal produce is the cost of transportation. US watermelons are grown throughout 44 states and are at their peak during the month of August. By purchasing locally grown watermelon, you are not only helping your local economy you are helping to decrease pollution from transportation.
SHOP AT FARMERS MARKETS
Across the US there are hundreds of farmers bringing their produce to a town near you. Farmers markets are a great place to purchase seasonal, local and often organic produce. Not only do you get to meet the farmer, you get produce that was harvested hours before your arrival. Farmers markets also tend to be a cheaper way for you to buy produce because there is less overhead for the farmer and you are bypassing the middleman.
JOIN A CSA
CSA's or Community Supported Agriculture is the closest one can get to owning a farm without having to do all the dirty work, unless of course you want to. In CSA's, the farmers sell shares of their produce before the harvest season begins. Members pickup boxes of harvested produce weekly. I have belonged to two different CSA's here on Long Island over the past four years and nothing comes close to being able to go to the farm where the food was grown and either pick your own or have it lined up there for you to take. . I cannot express how beautiful it is to see parents with their children walking through fields, picking their own fresh berries or basil. It is such a powerful way to gain appreciation for food and to teach respect for our planet and each other.
START YOUR OWN VEGETABLE GARDEN
Even black thumbs can be successful starting an organic vegetable garden. You should have your soil tested before you begin to make sure that the acidity is in check for what you want to grow. After that, it is a good idea to have either started your own compost or buy organic compost to enrich the soil. Buying and starting from seeds is the most affordable though, you can also start with seedlings or plants, both of which can be bought at almost any garden center. My first vegetable garden was a huge success - so much so that my neighbors, close friends and relatives all reaped the benefits and enjoyed zucchini, eggplant, peppers and tomatoes all season long and neither of my thumbs are green.
The Local Harvest Website is a great resource to search for local farmers markets in your area, CSA's and even what produce is grown locally in your region and when it is in season. Teach your children to think about where their food comes from by taking them shopping with you, to the farmstand or farm. These experiences now will prove to be rewarding later on.
EAT SEASONAL
Sure, come April I am craving watermelon. When I was pregnant it was even worse. That was all I ever wanted to eat. I admit, I caved a few times - then was left to feel guilty and not satisfied with the imported, under ripe and tasteless version of my summertime favorite. More than half of what you pay for when you buy nonseasonal produce is the cost of transportation. US watermelons are grown throughout 44 states and are at their peak during the month of August. By purchasing locally grown watermelon, you are not only helping your local economy you are helping to decrease pollution from transportation.
SHOP AT FARMERS MARKETS
Across the US there are hundreds of farmers bringing their produce to a town near you. Farmers markets are a great place to purchase seasonal, local and often organic produce. Not only do you get to meet the farmer, you get produce that was harvested hours before your arrival. Farmers markets also tend to be a cheaper way for you to buy produce because there is less overhead for the farmer and you are bypassing the middleman.
JOIN A CSA
CSA's or Community Supported Agriculture is the closest one can get to owning a farm without having to do all the dirty work, unless of course you want to. In CSA's, the farmers sell shares of their produce before the harvest season begins. Members pickup boxes of harvested produce weekly. I have belonged to two different CSA's here on Long Island over the past four years and nothing comes close to being able to go to the farm where the food was grown and either pick your own or have it lined up there for you to take. . I cannot express how beautiful it is to see parents with their children walking through fields, picking their own fresh berries or basil. It is such a powerful way to gain appreciation for food and to teach respect for our planet and each other.
START YOUR OWN VEGETABLE GARDEN
Even black thumbs can be successful starting an organic vegetable garden. You should have your soil tested before you begin to make sure that the acidity is in check for what you want to grow. After that, it is a good idea to have either started your own compost or buy organic compost to enrich the soil. Buying and starting from seeds is the most affordable though, you can also start with seedlings or plants, both of which can be bought at almost any garden center. My first vegetable garden was a huge success - so much so that my neighbors, close friends and relatives all reaped the benefits and enjoyed zucchini, eggplant, peppers and tomatoes all season long and neither of my thumbs are green.
The Local Harvest Website is a great resource to search for local farmers markets in your area, CSA's and even what produce is grown locally in your region and when it is in season. Teach your children to think about where their food comes from by taking them shopping with you, to the farmstand or farm. These experiences now will prove to be rewarding later on.
Monday, August 16, 2010
Sleep Woes
The most difficult hurdle we have yet to reach is trying to get 14-month-old Sienna to sleep through the night. At two months, she would sleep for an uninterrupted 5 hours. I thought we were one of the lucky ones. Being completely against any cry-it-out (CIO) techniques, I felt a sense of accomplishment and was sure to tell anyone who would listen, especially those moms and grandma's who lived strictly by and openly preached their beliefs of CIO.
We flew back home to NY when she was four months for her Blessing Ceremony. Somewhere between the Carolina coastline and the New York City skyline Sienna decided she would sleep no more! She gets up now every 2-3 hours, more frequently when she is teething or sick. Sometimes shushing, rubbing her back or just saying "mommy's here" gets her back to sleep - more often than not, she needs to be nursed back to sleep.
During the past 10 months, she has had a few good nights, sleeping at least 4 hours without waking, but the bags and dark circles under my eyes are evident that we are sleeping less. I hate telling people that she doesn't sleep - the sneers I get when I say we sleep together I don't let her cry and she wakes every few hours to nurse. "You are still nursing her..Doesn't she have teeth"? Even her pediatrician says nursing is futile to sleeping through the night and recommends the Ferber method of sleep training. All I hear his saying as he summarizes the plan is LET HER CRY!!
If it wasn't for my small group of friends who are also against CIO, I would feel lost in a sea of CIO proponents who are getting their 8 hours of sleep. My friends at least understand me. Their babies don't sleep either. Even Sienna's dad wants a goodnight sleep and urges me to just let her cry. We have given up sleeping in the same bed 7 months ago, constantly getting in and out during the night kept him up more than he is already.
We tried herbal tea blends, sleepy time smoothies, following a routine. Getting to sleep is usually never the problem, its getting her to stay there.
There have been several times, when I think I am at my wits end. The crying starts and I sit there in bed, telling myself I will let her just cry - she will fall asleep. Thirty seconds is about all I can last. She cries out, "Mamma" and I come. Isn't that what I am supposed to do anyway? She is 14-months-old. She needs me. How else can I teach her that when she needs me later on in life that I will be there, other than going to her when she needs me now?
We flew back home to NY when she was four months for her Blessing Ceremony. Somewhere between the Carolina coastline and the New York City skyline Sienna decided she would sleep no more! She gets up now every 2-3 hours, more frequently when she is teething or sick. Sometimes shushing, rubbing her back or just saying "mommy's here" gets her back to sleep - more often than not, she needs to be nursed back to sleep.
During the past 10 months, she has had a few good nights, sleeping at least 4 hours without waking, but the bags and dark circles under my eyes are evident that we are sleeping less. I hate telling people that she doesn't sleep - the sneers I get when I say we sleep together I don't let her cry and she wakes every few hours to nurse. "You are still nursing her..Doesn't she have teeth"? Even her pediatrician says nursing is futile to sleeping through the night and recommends the Ferber method of sleep training. All I hear his saying as he summarizes the plan is LET HER CRY!!
If it wasn't for my small group of friends who are also against CIO, I would feel lost in a sea of CIO proponents who are getting their 8 hours of sleep. My friends at least understand me. Their babies don't sleep either. Even Sienna's dad wants a goodnight sleep and urges me to just let her cry. We have given up sleeping in the same bed 7 months ago, constantly getting in and out during the night kept him up more than he is already.
We tried herbal tea blends, sleepy time smoothies, following a routine. Getting to sleep is usually never the problem, its getting her to stay there.
There have been several times, when I think I am at my wits end. The crying starts and I sit there in bed, telling myself I will let her just cry - she will fall asleep. Thirty seconds is about all I can last. She cries out, "Mamma" and I come. Isn't that what I am supposed to do anyway? She is 14-months-old. She needs me. How else can I teach her that when she needs me later on in life that I will be there, other than going to her when she needs me now?
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